“Father God, please guide me as I write this article based on Your Word. Help me to write this to glorify You, and let Your words bring clarity to those who seek You. May Your truth help people discern and embrace correct beliefs. I pray and seek everything in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.”
Incident
Hi there fellow believers in Christ! This happened on 24th April 2024.a few minutes after 10:08 AM. I was nudged by an elder to focus on progress in my spiritual life. He had been telling me to reach out to a pastor and learn about fasting and praying. I was putting it aside (or I was distracted to do something else) Today was different, because I didnt had anything else to do. So I dragged myself to call the prayer helpline of NLAG. I was still lazy to go there physically, I had reasons to not go (Weather Department had given an Yellow alert: Heat Wave).I have called the prayer helpline, I have shared my troubles(unemployed for over an year) and the Brother on the other end, prayed for me, job, family and for the household). A generic prayer, that he was led to pray for. The moment the call got disconnected, there were loud noise of windows banging. I went and checked and all the windows were locked and its not windy, its uncommon to have wind or breeze at that time( we are used to wind and breeze post 3:00 PM). I immediately knew its not something natural and something i could understand physical laws. With recent understandings of Spirtual realms and evil spirit, I was lead to pray. A voice told me that I have authority as a christian to ward off these evil entity. So I went to centre of my home. I started praying what I was led to pray for. I have prepared to pray with these words ‘Let all the works of the enemy be shattered in the name of Lord Jesus Christ’. Before I could open my mouth a feeble voice inside of me said ‘You dont have the authority’ My usual self would have wanted to argue. I am a Christian and I have authority’ But for some reason, I couldnt do it. I just obeyed. Trust me when i say this. It was the weakest voice which told me this. It suggested me just surrender and give it to God. and Pray with humility. “Father God, I surrender everything to you” I could sense my own humility and helplessness in the prayer, I could even acknowledge my uselessness, powerlessness, faithlessness.Then I continued that with the loudest prayer, I have ever prayed with(I always prayed silent prayers till that moment). The words I prepared to say ‘Father, I invite you to be the head of our family, I invite you to live among us. Let all the schemes of the enemy and evil spirit against me, my family and our home be Gone in the name of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ’. While praying this, the same feeble voice, corrected me by saying spirits(plural) not spirit. I obeyed. This is what I prayed.
“Father, I invite you to be the head of our family, I invite you to live among us. Let all the schemes of the enemy and evil spirits working against me, my family and our home be Gone in the name of my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ”
There was a dead silence since then. I even thought my ears arent functioning. Believe me when I say this, our home is a place of music, sounds of birds, cows, cats and dogs. noise of heavy machinery from the factory downstairs. All went silent. This happened for roughly 90 minutes. From the time I could remember(since childhood), my brain kept on thinking, I always have to think something, eat or not, black or white, bike or car, work or business, movie or series, write or read…. something gets done in my brain all the time. I believed it’s similar to breathing, heartbeat. I dont even think it stopped working even while sleeping. I attributed it to undiagnosed ADHD and thought its normal. First time in my life, my brain became silent. Am not exaggerating. Even when I was in Vacation, staring at the beach with my loved one. I had been thinking what to eat next, where to go, when to start back home. That was the state of mind I had. The Storm in my mind is gone. That 90 minutes of bliss finally came to end. but the calmness it gave continued..
Introspection:
My initial thoughts were to understand what just happened. Am I even real. I tried to understand what that silence was. Whatever it was, I loved it. I get tears when I try to remember the moment. is this what mentioned in Matthew 11:28, which I tried to misinterpret as burdens. God has given me rest. He was very gentle and patient with me. or is this the first time I having the rest which comes from God.I cant think straight on this.
What is that feeble voice?
I always believed the first voice the bold voice, which I assumed to be the holy spirit. because he had given only good advice, never told me to sin, corrected me when i sin. or wait? was it correction or condemnation? i suffered a phase of guilt past every mistake.I am scared to even think I could be wrong in my judgement. Let me not talk about this.
What did the second feeble voice told me, he said I dont have authority. when I try to remember it again, I missed something. Did he said I dont have authority? Am I not a Christian? Don’t I have authority to cast out demons. Wait wait wait? isnt this Pride? where does even come from. I am trying again to understand what did it said to me. I missed something. :It said ‘I dont have the authority YET’ Yet? what does it even mean. What I dont have YET? If I dont have it, How did the prayer helped. There is definitely something am missing. I didnt had the humility. I had the pride. The Humility that comes from knowing God is God. Humility that comes from acknowledging God is God. I didnt had it at all. Am I really a Christian to be this filled with proud? A sense of Shame took over me. But I tried not to focus there. I tried to understand more on what the feeble voice told me. He corrected me from saying spirit to spirits.Why? I am confident that one incident is enough for me trust the feeble voice is good. He wouldnt have just asked me to pray something unreasonable. If thats true, spirit, the evil spirit, satan is just one entity right, he has been on mission to steal, kill and destroy. No! Bible clearly talks about demons. the feeble voice told me the correct words to pray for. there were more than one spirit that had been doing its work and the feeble voice did infact gave the correct prayer. I dont even have iota of doubt. Am 100% confident that feeble voice is the true Good voice. though I am still scared to say anything against the first voice. I can sense the pattern, it never really glorified God, it always distanced me away from God by playing my self doubt, guilt and n number of other things..
If the feeble Voice was the Holy Spirit?
Oh no, I have been silencing Him all my life. I have silenced him to the point that I have been calling him the feeble voice. I am sorry! How can I even do this? I feel like killing myself for doing this. I am remembering Matthew 6:23 But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! I was in darkness thinking I am in Light, I belong to Light. I was decieved all along.
Rest assured
But for some reason he is telling me its alright. I dodnt have to do all that. I am still saved. He is telling me to be more careful, attentive, discern and sensitive. the battle will become more severe from now but it’s not something I need to be worried. Because the battle belongs to… Yes. Say it out Loud.. God! You just do your part. it will never be more than you can bear.
Wrapping it up
I confess that am the worst kind of sinner. my sin is far too great that I can’t point anyone more than me as a worst sinner. Yet, this sin is not far too great that Christ blood cant wash away.